The Odd Couple was always such an encouraging and wholesome show for kids. Not getting into any of the underlying themes behind it, for that is not the realm of we the oblivious masses. It was about two male roommates who simply did not get along no matter how hard they tried. One was a slob and the other a perfectionist neat freak. Certainly, a most lofty of comedic burdens to take upon one's self. Eternal Sovereign seems to have stumbled into some bizarro re-enactment or tribute to this classic show. Or perhaps the writers jumped the shark and have been secretly planning this - the next episode in the line - for years. Regardless, we entered into the apartment to find Oscar and Felix squaring off; obscenities filled the air and there was no escaping the awkward discomfort of watching two grown men argue like petulant children:
When Felix noticed company had arrived, he forcefully glanced towards Oscar's room, his eyes burned with forceful anger as he willed Oscar into the room with his mind. Oscar had seen this look hundreds of times in ageless past the two had spent in this apartment together, their egos and auras too large and always pushing one closer to the point of breaking. He wasn't about to instigate an escalation to the conflict for this was one of the worst the two had had in their long time together. He needed time to cool off and took Felix's queue to leave the room, slinking out of the room, shuffling his feet purposefully in metronome whish-whishing protest. We were left alone with Felix:
Felix had always seemed the logical one, so we talked with him about the merits of legally changing our professional titles to something more interesting. We had, after all, worked hard to get there; negotiating our way past a very very uncompromising doorman and his dozens of friends. However, Felix was loathe to complete our request as the paperwork that this would entail for 54 raiders was simply too much. So much, in fact, that he took offense at the gall we had to ask this paltry favor. After hours of verbal feces slinging, Felix was overtaken by indignant rage. His body began to shake and a fire flickered in his eyes, stoked by our unwillingness to compromise. A chaotic brawl ensued:
Oscar came from his room to grab a beer from the fridge and - seeing his close friend in such peril - joined in the fray in kind. His tenacity and bond with his best friend and roommate overcame the fraying tensions between them of just hours earlier. Unfortunately he was dispatched in mere moments leaving Felix alone to be worn down by our negotiation techniques. (We learned from Kissinger):
In the end we were simply too strong for poor felix and he succumbed to our demands crying that he would give us whatever we wanted. We decided that two of his most prized possessions and two of Oscar's would suffice (Oscar was still lying in a small pool of his own blood; delirious from the beating we had bestowed upon him in return for his gracious entrance into the melee) in addition to changing our professional titles as we had requested previously:
He succumbed. After hours of painstakingly tedious paperwork (honestly, after that trash clear, it wasn't much to ask) each of us had our new titles:
Let it not be said that Eternal Sovereign is a guild that does not enjoy a good sitcom.
