southern jokes

[Gadjett]

THAT GOOD OLD
SOUTHERN DRAWL

Kentucky:
The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about
paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some
mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You
graduated from the University of Kentucky and I need some help.
If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you
take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then Replied,
"Everything but my earrings."

You gotta love those Kentucky women.
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Alabama:
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off
in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned
alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.." Henry had a stroke of
some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the

Unsuccessful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there

And carried the Deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded

the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

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Louisiana:
A senior at LSU was overheard saying... "When the end of the
world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana." When asked why, he
replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens
in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

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Mississippi:
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store
and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup
truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it
was? "The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the
license number."

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the
side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in
front of the car and another one behind it. Then he got back in
the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and
was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the

Fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded,

"When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in
the back. I never did understand it neither."

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You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone
Retiring and moving North!

[Gadjett]

one more for fun

The Hypnotist at the Senior Center


It was entertainment night at the Senior Center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a
very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."


He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"Shit" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the senior center.