What Dissident Does on the Weekends

[EggbornHatchedrotten]

http://h1.ripway.com/Eggborn/YouAintNea ... levins.mp3

I have crap for bandwidth, so... it may not play, so posting the lyrics by Rob Blevins.

I was feelin kinda lonesome so I jumped into my car.
Thought I might get lucky down at Freddy’s singles bar.
Jumped up on a corner stool, Hey this is my favorite haunt.
I was checkin’ out the action, and feelin nonchalant.

I cut quite a figure, made most women pitch a fit.
In my purple Nayru jacket made of finest double knit.
My golden chains there to accent my far-eastern Rolex watch.
And skin-tight leather chinos with a sock stuffed in my crotch.

Then suddenly I spied her, oh the finest I’d seen yet.
She was pullin’ on a long neck and a camel’s cigarette.
Had the figure of an hourglass, though some sand had shifted south.
A cold sore mostly healed up in the corner of her mouth.

Her eyelids like her bosom, they was droopin just a tad.
Her fishnet blouse revealed to me, her stretch marks weren’t too bad.
She was just the kind of woman that could make it worth my time.
So I sauntered up beside her and applied my favorite line.

Honey, You ain’t near as ugly as em other women here.
Won’t you sit right down beside me as I finish off my beer?
Like to get to know you my intentions are sincere,
Cause Honey, you ain’t near as ugly as em other women here.

I asked her, “what’s a girl like you doin in a place like this?”
“Hell, I’d guess you was a model or a teenage junior miss.”
I asked what her sign was, aint’ I seen you here before?
Despite all my smoothities, she was looking kinda bored.

Then she glanced down at my chinos, and her eyes popped open wide.
Seems my sock had shifted upward and had wrapped around my side.
I knew right then I had her; her interest had been peaked.
I told her I’d be right back, as I had to take a leak.

I really didn’t have to go, but I hit the men’s room door.
You know a fellow needs protection from them, “microbes of amor.”
So with a dollar’s worth of quarters and a feeling quite intense
Found the rascal wrapper’s slot machine, oh the choices was immense.

One was ribbed for pleasure, and one glowed in the night.
One had plastic tentacles, and one was thin and light.
One had bumps and grooves and stuff, and one was super long,
But rememberin that cold sore, I selected extra strong.

Honey, You ain’t near as ugly as em other women here.
Won’t you sit right down beside me as I finish off my beer?
Like to get to know you my intentions are sincere,
Cause Honey, you ain’t near as ugly as em other women here.

Well I walked back to her slowly with my purchase in my hand.
Saw her swaying to the rhythms of Freddy’s disco-polka band.
Then suddenly he moved on her and silently I swore.
It was Herbert Smith, the guy who ran his father’s car parts store.

He had a brand new hairpiece and a pocket full of cash.
I knew that I could not compete with his good looks and pinash.
So once again I’m knocked down, but I ain’t been counted out.
I just slicked my hair back real cool-like and cast my gaze about.

Then suddenly I spied her, oh a worthy runner-up.
She was passed out in the corner with an ashtray on her butt.
So I sauntered up beside her and I gently kicked her head.
I said, “Oh please excuse me Miss, I thought that you was dead!”

“I’d really like to know your name; you sure look good in pink.
If you could just stop throwing up I might buy you a drink.
It’s cool the way your eyes reflect the bar lights in the dark
And I love the way your tattoo blends right in with that birth mark.”

Honey, You ain’t near as ugly as em other women here.
Won’t you sit right down beside me as I finish off my beer?
Like to get to know you my intentions are sincere,
Cause Honey, you ain’t near as ugly as em other women here.

[Ylyrra]

OMG Eggy.. I listened to the audio on that. That's hilarious!