Difference between Women and Men

[Laleldil]

Another email with widgins of truth and humor:

Difference between Women and Men

1.NAMES: If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2.EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


3.MONEY: A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale

4.BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items

5.ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.

6.CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7.FUTURE: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8.SUCCESS: A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9.MARRIAGE: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change , and she does.

10.DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11.NATURAL: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12.OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13.THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

****

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop off,
on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

*****

Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dads for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mum if Fred and
Mary are up yet. She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think? "

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?" She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think? His mom replies, "Never mind what you think...eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?" His mom says, "No." Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "OK...What do you think?"

He says..."Well, last night Fred came in for the Vaseline and...I think I gave him my airplane glue."

***

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

[Avariel]

i think id try and hop on the elephant...thats one scary situation =P

[fazin]

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop off,
on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

kangaroo don't gallop.

I think it's a carousel and I would say wait for mommy or daddy to get you off the horse


*edit* Just saw the answer further down. I was right!!

[fafhurd]

I have found only .. 1.. differance ...
mens toys ... runs on gasoline
womans toys..runs on Batteries

[TNT-Sweeper]

13.THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

AMEN my Brothah!


Sweeper

[Kyreth]

Also, if a lion really was chasing you, there's no need to worry if it's running the same speed as you. It's when it's running faster than you that you've got a problem.

[oknagicsar]

Also, if a lion really was chasing you, there's no need to worry if it's running the same speed as you. It's when it's running faster than you that you've got a problem.

goes along w/ my answer.. continue at the same speed until the dropoff is gone..